Desert of Emotion

Desert of Emotion

February 16, 2021

Knowing this was the same therapist Julie used made the idea feel like an intelligent choice. How many times had I heard say my love for her left her feeling like she was in a desert of emotions? Those were her words, not mine. A desert of emotions. The idea being her emotions needed water? Needed? I never knew with Julie. She is crazy. Crazy. The one great thing about the relationship? The sex. Everyone always told me sex with a crazy gal is always the best. Julie was indeed one crazy gal.

I shouldn’t say gal? Might not be politically correct. Wait, I don’t think politically correct is really correct anymore. Now it’s Woke. To be honest here, did it matter if she was bat shit crazy? If I used the correct term? She said or claimed she was a Witch. Like a Hocus Pocus Witch. She claimed she was over 800 years old or something and that her father was a famous wizard or something. Marlin like the fish? I might have that wrong. Does it matter? I mean, the girl is off her nut. She could have said his name was Gandalf or Dumbledore for all the sense of her saying that made to me. I said all these things the woman was not taking me seriously.

“What do you think I should do? Break up with her, right? I mean, crazy sex is the best sex. A desert of emotion? That can’t be romantic? What if she puts a hex on me?” Things not admitted to, not to show any type of emotion. The one about a hex though. What if she got in my head and made me think I could no longer perform, you know, in bed was a thing? I read about it in Playboy.”

Her therapist considered me for a long time. The explanation made sense; made sense to me. A slight shake of the head. Not the best sign. That same shake of the head I had seen before. My family’s business manager when more money found its way to need instead of wanting. Always questions, always a no. Crying didn’t help. I should know I tried crying. It is a face some people know how to cry better than my sister. Not my fault it was a gene found on Dad’s side of the family. Male genetic trait.

Then the smile. I liked the smile. Smiles mean I won. “Mr. Astor? I am sure you have nothing to worry about. Girls, young ladies say things like what you say she said all the time. Like they would be a hex on you, a spell, a curse. Do any of them happen? Of course not. I am sure you are fine. Don’t let your imagination run away with you. You will have my work nothing will happen to you.” She then muttered something I didn’t quite catch. To me the words were “Nothing you don’t deserve.” I looked to her, the therapist. “Pardon?” “Oh, sorry, I said I will bill your insurance company.” Squinting a bit, they did not sound the same. I nodded though. “Sure.”

A slight tickle in my throat. Took a bit to clear it out. The elevator down an eternity. A cough, a loud one. My throat dry. I wanted a water fountain. The doorman handed me a water bottle. I should have tipped him when he had his hand out. Ignored the obvious. He made enough off others; I was sure.

Emptied the water bottle. The words ‘Desert of Emotions’ ran through my head. Course I had emotions, tons of them. Look at her, she is hot, an emotion right there. A hot emotion. Coughing more than once. Suddenly I smoked 9 packs of cigarettes a day or something. Something in the back of my throat. Cough. Something stuck, cough. A cough and a hard something came out of my mouth. A ball of something, wait, sand? I coughed sand? Then more. Sand poured out of my mouth, I couldn’t breathe, sand was coming out of my nose, my mouth, I couldn’t breathe. On the ground, pounding the ground with my fists up to my throat. The sand. There wasn’t a desert of emotions. Sand everywhere. No breath. I gurgled “sand”.

The ambulance arrived too late, though. The man on the ground outside the building dead. Fingernails ruined, scraping at the sidewalk. “Weird, right?” A nod. “Hey, like he couldn’t get any air, like he drowned in something, couldn’t…” “Yeah, can we go? We got the body I need a gift for my girlfriend, some reason seeing the dead guy makes me like I need to be romantic with her.” The other paramedic nodded. “I know, right?” The ambulance pulled away with the body and two men knowing they needed gifts for their ladies. Ladies willing to put up with them.


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